I Have Been to Hell

In hell, you swallow some toothpaste every time you brush.

In hell, pizza burns your tongue every time you try to take a bite.

In hell, you stub your toe on furniture every time you walk into a room.

In hell, samosas always have kishmish.

In hell, your umbrella always turns inside out while it's raining.

In hell, ice cubes never completely freeze.

In hell, they only have Pepsi.

In hell, the movie you want to watch is always sold out and the only other option is Bhai's latest movie.

In hell, every time you play music, the speaker makes an odd crackling noise like aliens are trying to contact you.

In hell, your WiFi always takes ages to connect.

In hell, you can never login unless you try at least thrice.

In hell, you always get a letter wrong while typing a password, causing you to backspace the whole thing and retype it.

In hell, the only train seat available is next to the guy who talks way too loudly on the phone.

In hell, the elevator always needs to come down from the top floor.

In hell, the remote control always takes like three tries for any button to work.

In hell, there's only one phone charger around and it's almost always the wrong type.

In hell, the water always tastes kinda salty, constantly making you think about whale sperm.

In hell, you always end up pouring too much milk in the bowl which gives the flakes a soggy, regurgitated texture.

In hell, the biscuit always falls into the chai and you have to fish it out with your fingers.

In hell, there's always a tiny hole in your pocket which causes the keys to fall out.

In hell, the stuffing always falls out when you try to take the first bite of a sandwich.

In hell, the fan is always too hot or too cold.

In hell, the lights are always too bright or too dim.

In hell, one corner of the table always wobbles.

In hell, your favourite movie is playing on TV but you're too late and it's the last five minutes.

In hell, you can use Swiggy, but when you try to pay it says 'Out of serviceable area'.

In hell, your phone always hangs when you try to show someone a cool pic you clicked.

In hell, the OTP always takes at least two minutes to arrive.

In hell, Windows updates every time you turn off your computer.

In hell, the coupon code has always expired.

In hell, you can have ice cream but only weird flavours like paan and karela.

In hell, you can have noodles, but only Patanjali.

In hell, the sambhar is always cold.

In hell, you can have chewing gum, but only the fruit flavoured one which tastes like non-dust eraser after 2 minutes.

In hell, the towels are always slightly moist.

In hell, even old shoes give you shoebite.

In hell, you can only order clothes online and the size is always wrong.

In hell, the auto driver will always play Bhojpuri songs at an ear-piercing volume.