Alien Diaries

pale blue dot earth
The Pale Blue Dot

# Crash landed on unknown planet. Surface is mostly liquid. Lifeforms are still in early stages of sentience. Most intelligent lifeform on this planet is a terrestrial biped mammal referred to as "human". It thinks it is the center of the multiverse. Hasn't even learned to properly utilize the power from its star. Relies on the decomposed remains of its ancestors and compressed rocks for power. Must find a way to escape this planet as soon as possible. 

# There are various types of gloriously evolved lifeforms on this planet. Each of them has unique abilities unlike anything seen on our own world, gradually developed over hundreds of billions of years. The human's first instinct upon coming in contact with new lifeforms is to destroy and consume them. Sometimes it makes hats using the feathers of flying creatures which it uses for rituals involving dancing.

# It is disappointing to note that the human lifeform is still highly unevolved. Each consciousness inhabits only one physical form and is incapable of transferring itself into a new form when the need occurs. Therefore, breeding is still a highly important function on this planet and drives most of its activity. How very primitive.

# As mentioned before, the biped creature needs to feed on other lifeforms to sustain itself. It has still not learnt to harness the relatively infinite energy of its star by way of photosynthesis. It is starting to seem that though they are on the bottom of the food chain, plants may be the most intelligent lifeforms on this planet.

# Plants are the most important part of the human food chain, but those humans who solely consume plants are often 'ridiculed' by the humans which prefer consuming the dead bodies of imprisoned animals.

# 'Ridicule' is a concept unique to this planet. It occurs when one being involuntarily emits a grunting "ha ha" sound from its mouth to mock the actions or appearance of another being which the first being observes as being different from its own.

# 'Mockery' is another unique concept among humans, in which words or actions are aimed at one human by another, to indicate that it's appearance or actions are unacceptable. Both of these are forms of social control which are somehow effective on these seemingly intelligent beings.

# 'Zoos' are a big attraction on this world. A 'zoo' is a glorified prison for wild animals. However, no research is performed on them. Instead, the biped creatures visit the zoo with their young and seem to derive amusement simply by watching the animals laze around in an artificial setting. Occasionally, they will throw food and cigarettes into the cages as an act of compassion.

# After capturing and dissecting male and female human specimens to study their physiological characteristics, I found the most interesting organ to be a pinkish-grayish soft muscle which controls all bodily functions, referred to as the 'brain' . The second most interesting organ is also a soft muscle which is used for breeding and releasing fluid byproducts, referred to by various names such as 'penis', 'dong', 'ding-dong', 'dick', 'cock', 'wang', 'third leg', 'anaconda', 'one eyed trouser snake', 'banana' and 'eggplant emoji' among others. The female counterpart of this organ, referred to as "vagina", also has an equal number of names. These three organs seem to form the crux of the human civilization, with the latter two holding more importance than the former.

# It is surprising how highly the bipeds regard their genitals. There are monuments which resemble their genitals. There are idols of deities which resemble genitals. There are works of art which prominently display genitals. Everyday conversation often mentions genitals more than any other organ. The creatures are socially conditioned to be ashamed of their genitals, yet it is all they can think of.

# The planet is a hostile place to live in, infested with various parasitic creatures such as 'ticks', 'leeches' and 'politicians'. The third is the most interesting, because it is a type of human entrusted with the welfare of its kind, but instead it uses the power to fatten itself literally and figuratively. As soon as one is removed, another one takes its place and the process continues.

# Despite all the hardships and primitive physiology, the human has managed to come up with some amazing inventions. The greatest human achievement is a type of food referred to as 'pizza'. It is possibly the single best invention in the universe.

# The second best human invention is something referred to as 'music'. It is simply sound, produced using specialized instruments in a specific arrangement. Though many of these frequencies are inaudible to non-humans, they can be soothing nonetheless. Beautiful.

# A lot of information is contained within things referred to as 'books'. Would have saved me the trouble of capturing and examining actual specimens had I found these earlier. There are a vast number of these covering every subject known to humans. Fortunately, the human language is so rudimentary that I was able to decipher their languages in no time. These books were of great use to me in learning about the humans' past, but apparently they are not of much use to humans themselves as they keep repeating history.

# Even though there are an almost infinite number of books, humans get their information mostly by speaking to each other. A lot misconceptions have have been born this way. Even though every bit of information can be researched and verified, humans still believe in things like supernatural powers, divine entities, territorial borders, capitalism, pyramid schemes and homeopathy.

# The most advanced vehicles on this planet are 'rockets', but sadly, even these can only travel as far as the closest planet. Humans do not possess the technology, resources or crafting skills required to build a spaceship that can get me home. Prospects of escaping this planet look bleak, but I must keep searching for a way.