6 Hilariously Pathetic Indian Music Videos

Music videos are one of the best ways to promote a movie or an album. It's a simple combination - take a song and make a video fitting it. But sometimes this combination goes horribly wrong producing the kind of music videos that made MTV do a double-take and switch to pimpin' out cars.

The idea behind music videos is that it can fuse the art of music and the art of cinema to create something that is even greater. But ideas often get corrupted along the way. The videos you are about to watch are known to leave people in a disoriented daze for several hours. These are not mere videos, but black holes where anything good or logical gets sucked in never to be seen again.

# Stylebhai


Stylebhai has a certain charm but it's not quite enough to save this video from being pathetic. The lyrical content is good enough to be considered an attempt at rap. There are far better better examples of Hindi rap, the best one being Javed Jaffrey's MumBhai, but Stylebhai is still passable. A music video has two things that can go wrong - the music and the video. With this one, we're lucky enough that only one of them is completely fucked up.

The story is that the Boss of THE MUSIC COMPANY is furious.

As you can see, I was not exaggerating.

You don't want to piss off a guy who sits with a pile of money on his table. So one of his employees quickly sketches what looks like a biker-rapper on a sketchbook. Apparently this sketchbook is made of magic paper because the drawing immediately comes to life and becomes STYLEBHAI.

The Boss wants something new, so obviously Stylebhai goes looking for a treasure.

Wait, what?

So I guess The Boss isn't talking about new music, but anything new that no one has ever seen before. Things like a treasure or an educated politician. The treasure in this case is a woman who dances seductively.

Stylebhai's journey for this treasure takes him to various locations. The treasure is so well hidden that Stylebhai needs 3 different transportation methods to reach it including a horse and a boat. Stylebhai is one step ahead of the Old Spice guy.

Who needs treasure maps when you have such helpful signs?

When Stylebhai eventually reaches the girl, she runs out and steals his horse. The end. The amount of "what the fuck" this video made me feel makes it borderline pathetic.

# The Indian Justin Bieber


If there's one thing Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga have in common, it's how often their genitals are a subject of speculation. However, there is no debate at all about the Indian Justin Bieber's gender. There's no doubt that he's male, if not the alpha male.

LIKE A BOSS
The story of this video seems to be that the woman is a pedophile who has seduced the kid to the point where he sings love songs for her. The woman plays hard to get by saying things like "ARE YOU MAED?!" and "You nonsense!". Then she proceeds to shake her non-existent booty for him.

"You think I'm attracted to you? You nonsense!" 

The kid seems to have arranged everything from his pocket money because there doesn't seem to be much of a budget. Even the backup dancers clothes are barely matching.

Full sleeves, half sleeves, t-shirt...wear whatever you have as long as it's orange.

#  Worlds Most Pathetic & Worst Dance Video


That's what the video's original name is, but it's not the most pathetic video on my list. Is that a good sign? Definitely not for my sanity.

This one seems to be another sad case of exploitation. The video itself seems to be about a guy who is deeply missing his lover and decides to sing about it. But a closer look reveals what seems to be a guy with a mental illness (and possible retardation) who has been pranked by his friends into "acting" in a music video. Watch as this lonely man slowly goes crazy over a missing woman. The very woman he is singing a song for disappears into thin air in front of his eyes. Was she his lover who died tragically or a complete fabrication of the hero's mind? He seems to have no recollection of the disappearing act and continues singing.

I am Jack's imaginary girlfriend.
"Shit! She wasn't real..." 
Pictured : Severe mental illness.

The whole video is a recording of man losing his mental faculties as he slips away from reality.

# Humra Delhi Ke Metro Ghuma Da


This guy is really amazed that a train works as it should. So he's got two girls, a greenscreen and made a song about it.

In between verses praising the Delhi Metro for making him proud about Delhi (Wah ji wah wah!), the man and his hoes dance while the screen cuts to exciting imagery - such as a people waiting for a train and a train arriving at the station. The girls barely manage to make it through the video by making up dance moves on the spot and trying to copy each other. One of these girls doesn't seem to have any legs.

Seriously, what the fuck?
The guy does his own thing. His moves include shaking his hips and jumping on the spot. At one point, he sings a line about taking your girlfriend to show her the Commonwealth and lifts up the hand of the levitating girl. Then he does it again.

Forever Alone


# Silsila (=Continuation)


This music video deserves to be at the bottom of this list but isn't because there are certain things you can't be more pathetic than no matter how hard you try. But Silsila (=Continuation) makes a very good effort.

I could individually mention things wrong with this video, but it's easier to just say "Everything."

The song tries to be multicultural and gives the impression that it's spreading some kind of message which will change the world. The main lyrics are in Malayalam, the song name is a Hindi word (along with it's English translation) and the chorus is in Hindi. In case you still can't get a hint of what the song is about, they have even provided English subtitles in one part. So what are these deep lyrics?
"Close your eyes and sing, silsila hai silsila."

Apart from that, there's the HOTT white woman who's using an umbrella to avoid a sunburn and a bunch of homeless drug addicts dancing. There's also that one dancing guy who likes that one step very much.

That step.

The song gives the message "Enjoy life" but the video makes me want to end it.

# Mango


Himesh Reshammiya - he's the reason Silsila isn't the most pathetic video on this list.

All the previous videos had one similarity, they were held down by the distinct lack of a budget. Himesh Reshammiya doesn't need such limitations. He can be pathetic under any condition imaginable.

Despite having the budget to make a commercial movie...despite having shown enough talent in the past to produce a decent song...Himesh has gone and dropped this turd of a music video. Each second of this video fills me with rage.

The story of this video is that Himesh is attending a party with his female coworker while his girlfriend is on a holiday. One problem, his girlfriend is a possessive bitch who demands that Himesh keep her on the phone as he sings at the party.


It's his instinct to suck.

Why Himesh is even asked to sing, I have no idea. Why do the instruments of the band there not match with the instruments used in the song? Still no idea. Why he decides to start singing about mangoes, I don't even want to think about. Why does Himesh's girlfriend start dancing in a tempo completely different to the song Himesh is singing? Fuck my life, that's why.

The song itself is bad enough to make you pull your hair out and Himesh's ape-like expressions only add to what is already an infuriating and unbearable experience. The garnishing on this shit salad is this motherfucker.


As if Himesh wasn't being annoying enough, this guy spends the whole video in the background trying his best to act happy-drunk. He completes this video and gives it that little touch that makes the person watching feel absolute misery.

An honourable mention goes out to Himesh's song "Madhushaala". It was a tough decision to select which song is worse, but Mango won because it's about missing someone like a mango.


Comments

  1. Amazing ......I think there are some more gems like rathri shubharathri etc that should top this list.....as santhosh pandit seems to be inspired by KRK and Gunda......

    ReplyDelete
  2. You forgot ISHPIDERMAN ISHPIDERMAN....tune churaya mere dil ka chain....!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha, I won't lie, I did forget about it. But it also seems like a deliberate parody so I'm split.

    ReplyDelete

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