Facebook Archive

This is a collection of my original Facebook statuses from 2008-today.



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I used gentle caring shampoo yesterday. Afterwards, my hair tucked me in and sang a lullaby.

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Listening to music is like smoking. Those who really enjoy it will close their eyes and take it all in. But those who do it to show-off (mouthfags and wannabes) will let everyone know they're doing it.

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I forgot to observe earth hour. Of course, i could turn off the lights for an hour starting now, but then it wouldn't have a cool name. I'd just be sitting in darkness.

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I'm feeling really bad about not turning my lights off for earth hour. So i've decided to go a step further and keep all the lights off in my house from 12am to 7am.

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Ricky martin announced that he's gay. He was the last person to know.

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"Vaseline Men - Be prepared". They stole the freaking boy scouts slogan.

Besides, i don't see how removing spots from your face will prepare you for anything.

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Yo momma's so fat, she walked out into the balcony this morning and caused an eclipse.

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Yo momma's so fat, for her, what goes around doesn't come around. It gets lost half-way.

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Fast foods, chocolates, etc should have a warning like cigs do. "WARNING : Stuffing your face with this shit will fuck you up. Keep away from children."

My kid will be raised on a strict diet of protein shakes, eggs and his own tears. I'll bitch slap my wife if the kid ever tastes a burger.

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Resting all day can be very tiring.

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No one can steal my pencil.

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I used Dettol Sensitive hand wash yesterday. My hands started crying for the smallest of reasons.

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My dad has started using torrents on his own. This will not end well.

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2 days into the torrent game my dad fucks up and gets the germ on my computer. It's hard out there for a nigga looking for some free movies.

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wonders if trying to walk in a bus while drunk will make you walk straight.

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There's no point in offering advice. A wise man doesn’t need it and a fool won’t heed it.

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I think i finally figured out why chutiya is an insult. I guess it's supposed to mean that you are newly born and thus gullible or naive.

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Cloud 9 put so much caffeine in their energy drinks that they didn't have enough for their cola.

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Axe BOOST IS THE SECRET OF MY ENERGY

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Axe Twist - the fragrance that changes. First it smells like deodorant, then it smells like sweat.

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Actual News : A maulana got thrown off a plane and sent to Tihar jail cause he phoned his son to say "plane udne wala hai" and a co-passenger misinterpreted it. It's simultaneously funny and sad.

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I just saw an ad where they say the "new" way to get girls is to use soap. They're a couple of centuries too late.

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I thought Jabulani was some Sindhi guy

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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.
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I took a shower and used Dettol Cool soap. Now I'm wearing shades indoors and listening to Himesh songs B)

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Greatest Idea Ever for a Facebook application (by me and Sansmith). Having trouble figure out how to write your name on Orkut? No more worries! Just use the simple Orkut name converter to make your name readable to the Orkut population.
Eg : Sansmith = $@|\|$|\/||t|-| cool guy lotsofscraps (()))<<<<<>>>)))))

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"I'm supporting Netherlands" [later] "Yes, Netherlands made a goal!" [½ minute later] "Wait, Netherlands is the orange one?!" - Dad, most football fan ever

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I was looking at my cat and wondering what he thinks about just sitting in the same place for hours. Then I realized that I was doing the same thing as him.

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If Snape wore bling-bling and lived in the hood, he would be Snape Dogg.

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Yesterday I went to the doctor and he used a tongue depressant. Now my tongue regrets the decisions it's made and is suicidal.

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A baby is like a well compressed zip file that takes 9 months to download and 18 years to extract.

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Exams are like lottery tickets. If you don't win at the first try then KT - keep trying

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There comes a time when you only live with your parents cause you can't pay-rents

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Yesterday I saw a WagonR with banners on the side reading "A Home for Your Budget". I'm not sure if it was an ad for an actual home or one for the car.

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I was looking at my "French" beard in the mirror and it says Made in Bangladesh. WTF

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How many Commonwealth Games officials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb will cost the government 10 lakhs

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Like a fine wine, i'm getting older with age

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Why waste time later when you can waste time now? Procrastination is bad mm'kay

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Facebook suggested my dad as a friend in the "People You May Know" thing on the side. I wonder if it does that for black people.

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I heard "new" a Wu-Tang Clan song which I thought sounded very familiar. I guess I had...a Deja Wu

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One of the best things about nightmares is that you wake up and realize it wasn't true.

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What do you call a person who graduates last in his med school class?

Doctor.

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(parody of the various [cause] awareness statuses)

Next week i'm organizing MANBEARPIG AWARENESS WEEK. You have to change your dp to a chappal and post your fav. brand of soap as a status. People need to know about this half-man half-bearpig abomination of nature

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Fun Fact : Most fun facts are not fun at all.

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Wolverine is the most Metal superhero.

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The irony is that there wouldn't be as many traffic jams if people weren't in such a fucking hurry. Crappy drivers everywhere.

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Made from freshly squeezed Perfumed Babies.

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If Mumbai University chose the cast of cid, daya wouldn't be on the show.

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After "Man vs Wild" and "Man vs Food" comes the latest show produced by the Discovery Networks - FOOD VS WILD!! Will a sandwich be able to survive in the harsh conditions of a jungle? Tune in and find out...

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Warning : Do Not High-Five

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Having mastered the art of sitting, the next step is world domination.

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Saw an ad for Fair&Lovely Multivitamins. Their next product is Fair&Lovely Complete Meal with carbohydrates, fats, proteins, etc.

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Wow, did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up.

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It's funny that "vanilla" has come to mean ordinary/plain. Vanilla is one of the most expensive spices!

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Isn't it obvious now that 2012 is going to happen? Isn't there enough proof? I mean, it's already March 2011. According to my (non-mayan) Calendar, there's only about 9 months left.

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Live demonstration of one of the rejected Harry Potter inventions - The Not-so-Invisible Cloak

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Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.

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If there's one reason that pot shouldn't be legalized, it's because world hunger would increase.
Red Cross will have to divert attention from starving African kids to the Worldwide Muchies Epidemic.

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I abused alcohol today. It felt bad and ran away.

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Why are regular and medium different pizza sizes? They mean the same thing.

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Dexter : Tonight's the night...teri marne ki date fix hai!

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This was the most informative news of the day.

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You should have a heavy breakfast. It's the most important meal.

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Maths 1 was average at best, did it really need sequels? MU is just milking the franchise.

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Breathe-Rite knows how to rock

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I wonder what kind of porn Osama had. Naughty Nurses 3?

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Yo momma's so ugly, she's the poster child for birth control.

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25p coin officially out of circulation from June 30 for being twice as useless as the 50p one.

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Bread is the Paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it - Dwight Schrute, The Office

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Kid 1 : I found a condom behind the radiator.
Kid 2 : What's a radiator?

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Angry Birds has made me better at throwing things around the house, but sometimes it takes 3 tries.

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge him for fishing lessons.

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WHO study says mobile phone radiation may cause cancer. Next study to determine whether people die when they're killed.

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Apparently the only thing keeping scientists from discovering the cure for cancer is that there's not enough statuses about it on facebook.

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Mahatma Tyson

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In my opinion, Kishmish should be banned from being used as an ingredient in normal food. I think they would put kishmish in all the food in Hell.

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If you walk with your head held too high, you tend to step in shit.

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The Robot in Enthiran is an allegory for drugs. A guy invents something that, at first, everyone thinks is awesome. Then its misuse causes some problems which leads to illegalization.

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In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Soon after, a dubstep remix was posted on Youtube.

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(Original Status :Dedicated 2 all d SMOKERS..

A fully burnt cigarette ash said: Today its me, because of u,  
Tomorrow its u, because of me............!!)


A fully burnt cigarette ash once said to me " today because of you its me, later it will be you because of me."

I said "HOLY SHIT THIS ASH IS TALKING WHAT DID I JUST SMOKE"

Click Here for Part 2.


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